When my daughter was first born 4yrs ago I didn’t feel a bond……

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I was beside myself with excitement, couldn’t wait to be a dad with all the good and bad that goes with it, but I remember looking down at the little wrinkly bundle of skin thinking “how the hell am I going to bond with you”? I was being the dutiful husband and careful newborn dad, but was internally tearing myself apart because I didn’t know how to communicate with my child. My wife seemed to naturally know what to say and do. The breastfeeding, whilst painful and slow on the up take to start with allowed her to spend precious moments with my daughter and just through millions of years of evolution build a unspoken bond between the two.

In the beginning I had no idea what to do and found myself getting frustrated with the lack of cooperation from my 2 week old. Ridiculous I know, but you can’t help how you feel. I remember with Brooke being only 3 weeks old going for a drive one day to clear my thoughts. I found myself at the beach looking out over the ocean still wondering just how was I going to be a good dad. It was there that it hit me like a Mack Truck. To be a good dad I needed to help Jo more than my daughter. My wife was my daughters life support system. I thought to myself if I gave my all to my wife during these early days it would allow her to focus on keeping Brooke alive and I could do the rest. We had some serious complications with Brooke that I have written about before. Keeping my wife calm comfortable and not stressed was the easiest way forward for us. It would allow mum and Bub to feed and further bond peacefully, which in turn allowed Brooke to grow.

As the weeks passed and Brooke still started to gain weight and feed, we both started to feel more comfortable around each other. She started to fall asleep on me and I learnt how to talk to her so my voice didn’t scare the crap out of her. The single greatest moment for me in those first few months was when she started taking a bottle. It allowed me to get up and spend hours in the quiet of the night feeding, burping and rocking my little girl back to sleep. I would talk to her about work, cars, friends, family and stuff going on in the world. As time passed we grew closer and closer till it was easier for me to place her on my chest so she would fall asleep than anyone else rocking her for an hour.

I look at photos now of those first few weeks. I can still see the fear in my eyes. I can see the uncertainty in my smile. But something I notice more now than ever before is the way Brooke looks at me in all the photos. She came out loving me, my touch, my voice that she listened to for nine months on her womb journey. She was comfortable with me from day one. She just needed me to get past myself to see how great of a dad to her I could be. Nowadays talking to her is a lot easier, whilst I don’t get to spend the late nights and wee early morning hours telling her about the world, we chat regularly about things that interest her or capture her imagination. We don’t go a day with out a hug and she knows I’m always here for her. My journey with Jade was equally as tough due to breastfeeding for longer and her brace. But I had the knowledge from Brooke that it would all be ok if I held her when I could and rock her to sleep when she hated the world. I now I have two little best friends that rock my world.

I don’t have it all figured out. As I have said a hundred times before we are all winging it. But being a dad to my girls is a special job that only I am qualified for. A job I have earned through hard work and patience. A job that I would give it all away to put first.

A dads journey through Post Natal Depression…..

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It has been just over 2 years since I last saw the signs of PND in my wife. It ruled her world and by default ruled mine. It almost got the better of us. I remember the day my youngest and my wife came home from the hospital, it was such a joyous occasion. There was no parties or extended family around it was just the four of us. It was such a nice day, and after my wife being in hospital 2 weeks post labour it was nice to feel like a complete family again. We settled back into our old routine with the exception of the adjustments we made for our new born. I was content, things were panning out just as we had planned or so I thought. It didn’t happen immediately, but slowly over the next month something else showed up.

I couldn’t put my finger on it right away, but I couldn’t get anything right. I wasn’t holding our new born right, I wasn’t stacking the dish washer right, I was working to much, I was starting to withdraw from the world and I wasn’t communicating enough with my wife. In her eyes I was doing everything wrong….It was like a dark heavy sheet being pulled over my world, things that used to be fun became a chore, hanging out at home which always made me feel warm and secure started to feel cold and foreign. The world that I knew was slowly slipping through my fingers. I was watching it play out on the big screen like in the movies. I could see it going on around me but didn’t know how to call out for help. I was lost in a world of breastfeeding, nappy changes, work and sleep. I didn’t go out any more, I stopped seeing friends, I basically became a robot with the old me inside screaming, banging against the tough exterior, crying out for someone to free me. My best friend wasn’t around to help……. She was gone. The one person who always was there for me to help me ride out the stressful days and celebrate the good times. I wasn’t sure what day she left, as it happened slowly over a few weeks. In body she was still there, herself a robot just going through the motions, following the programming of a thousand years of evolution. I remember watching her one day, it was a nice sunny day outside, myself and BB was in good spirits but my wife was just a shell, no emotion, happiness or sadness, anger or laughter…. Nothing. As I said my best friend was gone and I was alone.

I was for the first time in a long time truly alone. There were people I could call, but I didn’t want too.. How could I explain the catastrophic destruction of my world, I couldn’t work it out in my own head let alone explain it to anyone else. So I just continued on, part of a marriage but in my own cold world.

It took a long time for me to realise that the dark heavy cloak that had blanketed my world that I tried so hard to lift, was not my doing, it wasn’t even my wife’s doing, it was Post Natal Depression. I wouldn’t face the music that something had stolen my wife’s personality and replaced it with a brick wall, it wasn’t till I thought of walking away that I had a moment of clarity that showed me that I needed to shred my cloak of darkness if my wife was to ever stand a chance. I googled what PND was as I thought it only happens to “other people”. I read all about it, what caused it, how it was treated. I decided one day when we were out for one of our long drives to confront the sad shell that sat beside me. My poor wife who was already feeling terrible without knowing why had her world come crashing around her. She was also in denial and her best friend was now attacking her about being miserable all the time. We drove for a long time, we talked as the miles came and went. At times it was heated, at times it was cold, at times it was silent. But in that conversation I saw it….

A small glimmer, a tiny ray of light bursting through the darkness. I saw my best friend, it was only for a second but I knew she was in there. I started to cry, all was not lost. The love of my life was still there, I just didn’t know how to get her out. We drove till the sun came down and darkness enveloped the car. We were both exhausted, mentally emotionally and physically. The roads lead us home and for the first time in months we sat on the couch, holding each other’s hand in the soft light of the lounge room just talking. We both admitted we had let something beat us. Something we had never seen before, something that we had never expected. It was PND, but we both had it. My wife the sufferer and myself by default. I explained what I had read and mention that I was not keen on the drug treatment, but would do what ever it took to get my best friend back. My wife agreed she didn’t want drugs. She wanted to beat it mentally. We read that exercise was a good way to combat it and both decided to make the effort to walk everyday.

It wasn’t easy and for a while after our chat I didn’t see my best friend outside of our walks. When we walked we talked, the depressing cloak was gone for 45 mins and we were free, and each time the cloak came back it was a little less heavy. My wife found a personal trainer who turned her world around. It was amazing to watch her beautiful light break through the cold hard shell that had so quickly covered her amazing soul. I also found myself returning to my happy self. My own insecurities dropping off me like water in a rain storm. I supported my wife while she powered through her personal discovery, exercising her depression away. She focused on what made her happy and I did what I could to get the roadblocks out of the way. One day without realising it I found my best friend walking beside me. She was back. My world had returned to normal. Together we made it. Her smile shone through and was the brightest light in my world. Looking back it was a crap journey, not something I would wish on anyone.

While PND is such a hard thing to get past and tragically some don’t make it, I like to now think we both beat it. We both helped each other at our low point and today are stronger for it. My best friend is here right by my side, helping me be the best dad I can be.

Some times you need the reality check of a 3yr old……

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Recently work has been tough. It’s not the end of the world, these things happen, take the good with the bad, you win some you lose some, I literally could go on with cliche’s all night long but you get the drift. I have second guessed myself a few times in the last week wondering if it’s all worth it. Today I was having one of my what if moments and I caught myself looking at my youngest miss 3. She was standing leaning back against the trampoline staring off into the slowly setting sun. I watched her for a good 5 mins. Her eyes searching the sky, looking over the fence at the horizon slowly turning orange from the spectacular sunset that was playing out before us both. The innocence on her face was mesmerising. For what could very well have been eternity I was lost in her gaze, the facial expression of a human being who has yet to truly understand what pressure was, what a deadline was, what a no win situation meant.

As I watched her I tried to think what could possibly be running through her mind. Our daughter is driven and will not spend more than a few minutes doing something if it does not interest her. What was it in this sunset that had captivated her attention? Was it the colours? Was it the light falling like a orange/pink blanket across the sky? Was it the sounds of the birds enjoying the last light of another day? What held her there, captivated? Was was her mind not burdened by the pressures of life thinking about? Somewhere before the darkness of the evening enveloped us both it came to me like being hit by a bolt of lightening…… It didn’t matter what she was thinking, it was inconsequential what was going through her mind, it was irrelevant what had captivated her attention.

Why? Because for 5 mins my wild eyed daughter had found something that calmed her little emotion filled mind. She had found a place that smoothed her storming oceans, she had discovered something that captivated and soothed her all in an instant. Her world for 5 mins was tranquil and peaceful. The true beauty of childhood was shining through, the innocence of life discovering life was playing out before my very eyes, and just like that my 3 weeks of stress, anxieties and tension was gone in an instant. I was watching my daughter truly experience her first sunset. I was watching her innocence shine through but her adulthood come one step closer at the same time. My mind for the first time in 3 weeks was calm, my storming ocean soothed, my train of thought completely and utterly derailed all through the power of a 3yr old.

In an instant it showed me that none of it matters yet all of it does. Without it we would not be here to enjoy this moment but with all the burdens of parenthood it gave me the perspective to truly enjoy and appreciate this moment. As the sun slowly disappeared for the day and the light around us continued its cosmic display my daughter travelled back from where ever she had gone. She slowly looked around seeing me for the first time since I came outside and ran over to me giving me a big hug. I held on to her for a minute and she squeezed me tight, as if she knew we had just shared something special that no money in the world could buy. I let her go and she ran inside to play with her sister. I looked out over the horizon one last time as the light started to slip away, thanking the cosmic gods for giving me this moment now etched in time and my mind, never to be forgotten.

Giving me some perspective on current events in my life and helping me realise that sometimes you just need to watch your daughter watch the sun go down.

Im a parent and I lie……

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I lie to my child, I lie to my wife, I lie to my friends…. It’s not that I have a condition or anything, well not a diagnosed one. It’s just that sometimes I can’t be bothered and it’s easier to lie than explain the reality. The best part is I know I am not alone, other parents lie too, those that say they don’t are lying… Oh the irony! The trick is how far can/do you string it? Stuff like Santa and the Easter bunny? That’s a good 10 years you get out of that lie, questions along the lines of “how are you feeling?” Fine.. I’m feeling fine… Well it’s a day to day lie but honestly you can string that one along till the kids move out of home… And then there is the “I’m going to lie cause I don’t want to be a social outcast in my mummies/daddies group” for example “I never smack my children”….. However little Johnny still has your hand print on his ass because 30 mins ago he tried to microwave the cat.

It’s almost socially acceptable, I say almost because most parents know when your lying but won’t say anything. Discussions about how the kids are doing at school where parents say they are happy with their child’s progress but inside they are disappointed as hell because their child doesn’t know the answer to 5 + 5 . Asking a parent “how are you?” Is usually met with “yeah I’m good” or “fine” or maybe some mild discrepancy of “a bit tired but overall pretty good” when in reality they are one toddler tantrum away from leaving the kids on the side of the local highway with a “free to good/any home” sign stapled to their chests.

So why is it we lie? Well it happens for lots and lots of reasons, for me it’s usually because I don’t want people to judge me as a parent or I am that ticked off about something my child did and I just don’t want to have to relive it by explaining it all over again. Parent shaming is alive and well in the 21st century, and because of this many parents lie. Child won’t eat? Society will think I’m a bad parent, child back chats? Society must think I’m a bad parent, child loses its shit completely because pepper pig just ended…. Society must think I’m a bad Parent. So, to make it easier and maybe because we just want to believe it ourselves, we lie. My child sleeps through the night, our kids are always well behaved, I never smack my children, I never want to walk out of the house with a small packed bag and go on holidays with out the kids. Lie lie lie. Best part is when you get into a larger group of parents and someone says something and everyone agrees….. Group lying….. We never feed our children sugar… We never put the TV on to get 5 mins peace…. Standing back and looking at it is almost comical but I’d be lying if i didn’t say I’d done it myself.

Parenting is a tough gig, no manual, shit hours, no pay, unruly customers and the constant wondering if your child is going to grow up semi normal. I know that some days I’ll lie even when I know who I’m talking to knows the true story. It’s just easier. So if your ever talking to me about parenting and I give you a bullshit answer, don’t judge….. Just know that what I’m telling you is a whole lot easier than trawling through the truth.

Home is where your family is…….

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This does depend on your family and how you fit. I know people who live 2 blocks from their family and never talk, I live 4000kms away from my parents and I wish every day they were closer. It also comes down to what makes up your family. The TV perfect family these days (think everybody loves Raymond or happy days) is a thing of the past. There is so many iterations of what a family could look like these days it makes for an eclectic time when they get together on special occasions.

Regardless of what this family looks like, it’s make up is important for the children that are part of it. This is where the age old saying “it takes a parent to conceive a child but a village to raise it” comes into play. Even with step parents and foster children and second cousins and half brothers and sisters, the family network is needed to help build and define the behaviours of our children. I know many would disagree and that’s ok, but I see it in my girls. We don’t have any family near us, and my girls often speak of when grandma and grandpa comes to stay, and the time Uncle Phil came to visit. They know they are family and seemed to pay more attention when they were given instruction by them. Because it was only for a week we could see the effects really stood out. The effects would have been a lot more subtle if we lived close and saw our family more often.

I still believe there are things that each family member wether it’s Grandma, Grandpa, Aunt Uncle or cousin can teach your child. Each one has a different part to play and without that family around the parents have to fill the gaps. This becomes more and more apparent as my girls get older. When my first daughter was born my wife and I wanted to do it all on our own. It was our child and we wanted to raise her. We took advice from everyone but were determined to parent our way. As my daughters grow and are now 4 and 3, I am realising more and more how important the family network is to there maturity and growth. How my brother and his family along with my parents and my wife’s family all have an impact on my girls social education teaching them things that I don’t know or are just not possible to pass on.

I used to think that only I could teach my daughters everything they needed to know to grow up in this world, but as time goes by I can see more and more that family what ever the make up happens to be, can teach my daughters far more diversity than my wife and I alone can. As a son myself, I’m am getting older and possibly wiser but I also miss that family network. I want to lean on my parents a little more than I do now and then. I know they wish they could shoulder me too when times get tough. I have gone off and seen the world, been to war, built an amazing career, met the love of my life and started a beautiful family.

But I think it’s time to come home………

Is it ok to lock my whining toddler in the shed?

I know I know, just the mere fact that I have said it out loud will have the Department of Child Services knocking on my door any minute. But god damn I’m not the only one who has thought this today surely? All the parents reading this, you have to be nodding your head. Those that aren’t I’d stop reading now, I’m only going to offend you more further down the page cause it gets worse….. For everyone else… It’s that sound…. That whine, the whine that is usually a word like no, or please, or just a random sound they made up. A sound that just so happens to be the exact pitch that pushes you to the limit of going bat shit crazy. Where instead of flying off the handle and rearranging the lounge room so the TV is now broken in the front yard, the mums go into the bedroom lock the door and cry and the dads lock themselves in the shed and start hammering something broken and solid with their trusty hammers. I wanted to do both today as that sound just got the better of me. Oxford dictionary explains the sound as a whine: A long high pitched complaining cry… That’s a pretty good explanation. They just forgot to add that toddlers insert words/whole sentences into it.

I am a patient dad usually, I have my little things that I won’t accept and I’ll jump on the girls if they cross the line but the one thing I cannot handle is the whine. The string a whole sentence together in one long sound….. “Idontwanttohavedinneeeeerrrr” “whycantigooutsiiiiiiiiidddeee” “pleeeasssseeeehhhhhhhhhhhh” you get the drift. It’s never ending, relentless, and down right bloody annoying. Even my wife hit her limit today, I was expecting to come home to the girls tied to the mail box with a “free to a good home” sign hanging around their necks.

Our miss 4 was in a particularly whingey mood, had been since yesterday. I could see by the time I got home that my wife had used up all her deep breathes and exhaustive sighs and was now at the stage of saying “for fuck sake” under her breath before answering every one of the droning sound whingey questions coming out of miss 4’s mouth. I offered the “lets lock them in the shed” solution and was met with a don’t tempt me look back from the wife. Yep we were at defcon 4…. Remove all sharp objects, throw chocolate and back away quietly. Unfortunately our daughters are not smart enough to read the signs yet and ploughed ahead with the whining despite getting the “I’m going to burn this fucking house down if you don’t stop whining” look from my wife.

Despite the above we love our girls, we really do. But sometimes we all just need a break. This parenting gig is hard and my baby came out of the packaging with no manual so we’ve been winging it for the last 4 years. They will grow out of it, maybe not for a while yet but I’m told it does eventually stop, that or the questions get less repetitive and more interesting as they get older. Can’t wait for that day….

So if your wandering past my house and you hear a toddler whinging and loud banging coming from the shed….. Don’t think the worst….. I’m in the shed, smashing to pieces something I’ll no doubt need next week while hiding from my “long high pitched complaining cry” questioning toddler…

I’m a dad and I’m here to upset you…..

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I’m a dad and I’m here to upset you….. It’s going to happen….. Your just going to have to get over it… Judge me if you like, I just don’t care…..

This goes for pretty much everybody. My daughters because I won’t give them ice cream 4 mins before bed. The snooty lady around the corner who doesn’t like the sound of my V8. The bully at the play ground yesterday who I promised to drop down a mine shaft if he went near my girls again, the progressive type parents I upset in my last post because I dared to point out that letting your child scream at you and walk away without a opposite and escalating reaction is a recipient for fail… Sorry Not sorry…..

While I think I’m a pretty easy going bloke I can’t handle people who think it’s ok to try and reason with a 3 yr old who has just lost its mind in the middle of a packed shopping centre…. Think about it, how much communicating do you think is getting done while they scream at the top of their lungs? Bugger all is the answer you are looking for… That 3yr old has lost the plot, your not getting through no matter how much you plead. Jam them in the trolley and be on your way, or bribe them if you want. But beware the bribing can backfire spectacularly and lead to further tantrums next time they don’t get what they want. This is where the disappointing dad bit comes in. I don’t give in to my girls, they play up in the shops they know they have lost the TV for the rest of the day. The woman looking at me like I need to control my kids, I’m going to disappoint you too… You can bugger off… If your a parent you should know how hard this crap is.. And if your not… Hold those judgemental thoughts… Your moment of public shame is coming.

In saying that, you will only feel ashamed if you let people judge you. I get raised eye brows all the time when I tell my girls off in public. Doesn’t happen often because they are good kids, but do I care? Nope. Why? Because I learnt a long time ago that 99% of parents are guessing there way through this messed up minefield of parenthood and most don’t have a clue what they are doing. So judge me if you like but I know deep down inside your winging it too. But this opens up a goldmine for people to suggest all sorts of crap to desperate parents. This is how the bullshit books of “how to talk to your toddler whilst having a tantrum” and “10 ways to stop your child getting angry” actually make sales. Really? Stop a toddler getting angry? Have you seen mine? They only have 4 emotions, happy, sleeping, hungry and angry. If I had to sit down and have a conversation with them every time they got angry I’d never get anything done. I’d also spend all day talking to my 3yr old that it’s not ok to be angry that her shadow won’t follow her inside… Bloody hell.

As a parent if you don’t go to bed at night and feel like you have failed at something during the day, then you my friend have got it all figured out….. And you need to write a book. I piss my kids off at least once a day and 50% of the time I’m thinking “I could of handled that situation better” (this is where as a dad I disappoint myself). But you know what, my kids still love me the next day because they don’t have it all figured out either and their tantrums are twice as batshit crazy as mine. So keep your books and advanced theories, I’m happy raising my girls old school.

When did being a dad who disciplines his children become bad?

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When did being a dad who disciplines his children become bad? Why am I made to feel like I am too harsh just because I set strong values for my girls????

I was told by a friend recently that I should let my youngest express her self even when she is angry. It’s not cool to chastise her in public…..

I had to stop him. I asked him why was it more important to look cool than to teach my youngest values about socially acceptable behaviour? He said letting kids express themselves was the latest thing even if they lash out. Helps build their creative minds and self development. This can’t be right. When did it become ok to give in to a screaming toddler? When did it become socially and morally wrong to chastise children in public if they were acting up? All I can say is Juvi must be full of very creative kids who are just misunderstood……..

A few weeks ago when out camping a small group of young adolescents were messing around in the caravan park toilets, they were throwing bars of soap at each other and nearly hit a few older patrons. I asked them to stop and they ignored me, I then yelled at them and they told me to “piss off”! I grabbed my rolled up towel and made a bee line for them, they scampered…. Why did it have to end in a threat of violence for them to stop? I’ll tell you why…

Because my mates progressive parenting isn’t working. Kids that get ignored or not corrected all through life and never told off for acting out are growing up not knowing that life has consequences. Little Johny robbed an old man and put him in hospital? People ask how does it get to that?? Easy, the first time he acted out at home no one stopped him, no one made him stop for a second and think about the consequences of his actions, parents are more interested in how Johny is feeling. Confused…. Johny is feeling confused… I’m not saying beat the living crap out of little Johny, violence is not the answer.

However the people in his life who should be guiding his behaviour aren’t. They are leaving it up to schools and the police… And pardon my French but this is just bullshit. It’s is not the cops job to chase your kids around at night and bring them home. It’s yours. There are 3 teenagers that live nearby, I can see that they are raised in a house where you’re held accountable for your actions good and bad. They are well adjusted, socially functioning teenagers. They understand what is socially acceptable and what isn’t. Do they get in trouble? Yes of course, but it’s for small things like not taking out the trash and staying up too late. They also get rewarded for putting in an effort, not just participation awards… Jesus, and again, when did that become a thing??????

Now I can already hear the progressive parenting types saying “getting in trouble for not taking out the trash?” That’s crazy! Don’t be so harsh it’s only the trash….
NO!!! No it isn’t. It’s called boundaries. How long do you think they will stay employed if they don’t follow basic direction? Come and go as they please? About 5 mins….. As an employer I see it a lot these days. Everyone parents differently, nothing wrong with that, but cops/teachers/bosses are not responsible for your child’s behaviour in public. You are. Should you cuddle your children? Yes absolutely! As much as possible but when our two act up they are disciplined, no question. However, 5 mins later we give them a hug and explain what they did wrong so they know next time it’s wrong. Will they do it again? Of course!! Our two have both gone to their room twice this week for hitting each other. But afterwards we explain what they did wrong. They still do it but are slowly getting better.

This post is not to tell you how to raise your children. No one can do that. They are your child and you have the joy of showing them their way in the world. If you put the effort in their lives will be better for it. But remember they are your responsibility, not societies. If they fall pick them up, if they act out, push them back in line, if they do well praise them till the cows come home.

You won’t get it right 100% of the time, but you will get it wrong 100% of the time if you do nothing.

I have come to the conclusion that no one has normal kids……

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I have come to the conclusion that no one has normal kids, and all children were put on this earth to make parents pay for their sins!

A prime example of this is any child in an arcade full of games and the poor parents that have lost the flip of the coin to accompany them. The multiple flashing lights and buzzing sounds are perfect code to a child’s programmed mind to initiate freak out mode. And freak out they do! From trashing the basket ball throw that delivers redeemable tickets to kicking the machine that spits out candy when they fall off some moving edge (who thinks these things up?). I watched two boys that were about 10 walk into the arcade normal and as soon as they had their coins it was a switch going off in their head. Chaos ensued. I also don’t remember the arcades being so hi tech. It was all pin ball machines, shoot em ups and racing games when I was a boy. Now it’s all fully immersive 3D hunting games and fighter jet simulators.

Anyway, my two girls were great for the first 15 mins and then they started to lose the plot. Getting halfway through a game saying they were bored and moving on. They started yelling at each other for no reason and getting very moody. My wife and I saw the signs of impending melt downs and decided to make an exit. Only problem was, the place was built like a casino. We couldn’t find the exit… On our trek trying to find a way out we found a party room….yes a party room! I was baffled. Why on gods earth would you not only plan to take your own child to this place but invite other parents to leave their children with you while you fed them full of chocolate? Im sorry, but their are some sadistic people in this world, people that love torturing themselves, and this party room is proof. Maybe Police forces around the world could use it as a questioning technique to get adults to talk??? The torture it would be to stay in that room longer than 10mins. Not in a million years would I do that.

The older kids that were in the arcade were feral. They were pushing their way onto games and pinching other kids tickets. While I don’t consider myself a helicopter parent (does anybody?!?!?) I was keeping a close eye on my miss 4. A much older boy thought he would take a shot at pushing in on her turn just so he didn’t have to wait. He hadn’t seen me standing 2 feet away…… Helicopter parent turned into raging inferno Dad and said young boy got told so loud and clear to “back the hell up” I’m pretty sure his head is still spinning. I’m all for my girls finding their own way in the world, but mess with them on my watch and you’ll lose, Every…… Single…….. Time….
It will be some time before we return to the arcade, it has changed a lot since I was a kid. Children seem to run the place now, that or I’m just getting old. I prefer the beach anyway. It’s free, fresh and always better than being inside.

On a side note, I destroyed the basket ball hoop game. So much so it denied me my tickets!!!!

Our cat……….

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Our cat………. I am going to admit it right here and now that I don’t like our cat. I don’t hate her, she is part of the family and I love her equally. I just prefer to not spend my free time with it. Why you ask? Cause our cat is an asshole. Yep you heard it, an asshole, and not just now and then but all the bloody time.

Eva is our family cat and we all love her, she is a part of the family. But if she was my child I would be sending her off to boarding school or some psychiatric hospital for people with severe social issues. Eva has the personality of a house brick, my wife would argue otherwise. But I think she has deep seeded issues that only strong drugs could fix. My wife and girls love Eva, they think she can do no wrong. But I can see it in her eyes that she is 90% of the time up to no good. She lays around like she owns the place and if I move her on I get the death look. The rest of the time she ignores me and pretends I don’t exist. Except at dinner time, then she is my best bloody friend and won’t stop talking to me – I feel used….

I’ll admit straight up that I am a dog person, I enjoy their company more and find them more practical for families, but yes I am biased. Eva won’t play with the girls where as the dogs do. Eva can’t come on walks because she looses her shit when we stick her on a leash, Missy and Tyson (our Rotties) love walks. Eva terrorises the neighbourhood birds and other wildlife, Missy and Tyson are flat out looking at a bird if it walks past them. We can take the dogs camping, I can’t even imagine the shit that Eva would get up to if we took her out bush.

Eva and I play a game, she spends all day trying to get in the house and all night trying to get out. I have taken it on as my job to ensure the Eva does not get what she wants. On occasion where I have failed in my mission Eva has gotten out at night and brought us some dead wildlife. Hence why I am ruthless in ensuring she stays inside at night. She also spends all day trying to sneak back inside so she can sleep all day. Over my dead body!! You want to sleep? Go find a nice spot in the sun. Or better yet, get a job and start contributing to the family.

The other night it was about 7:30pm and I needed to put the rubbish out, Eva heard me putting the keys in the door and came bolting into the lounge to execute her escape, she stopped in her tracks when she turned the corner and found me looking at her. She turned tail and scooted back into the bedroom. Not on my watch pussy cat!! My wife says I am paranoid, and I should give Eva a break. She agrees that Eva must stay inside at night but is not so fussed about her lounging around all day. I have other ideas.

In saying all this, if the wife and I are laying in bed Eva will come join us and 9 times out of 10 will lay next to me looking for pats. And I have to begrudgingly admit that she does get them from me because she is a family member and loved the same. I’m sure she is only doing it to make me feel bad, cause you know cats are that smart….

(Disclaimer: No cats were harmed in the making of this post. For all the crazy cat people out there: the above is satirical so please think before you post, love – All the dog people)

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